May 4, 2002

Vietnam veteran writes about 'Warriors'

"Why were we in Vietnam in the first place?"

That was the question Vietnam veteran John P. McAfee said he had to answer for himself before he could write about his experiences as a young Green Beret captain in that war.

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McAfee talked about his first two novels at the recent annual meeting of the Friends of the Leath Memorial Library in Rockingham, NC. His first novel, "Slow Walk in a Sad Rain," was published in 1993 and reissued in March, in conjunction with the publication of his second novel, "On Rims of Empty Moons."

The Asheville English teacher is a native of Texas, and said his experiences in Vietnam have defined the rest of his life.

He said veterans of Vietnam "all have that look. We all had a very strange journey. We came to grips with what the war was."

The "warrior mentality" is recognizable among its members, McAfee said, marking those who have been to war in ways that are only recognizable to someone else who has been there, too.

McAfee said he researched the roots of the Vietnam War in recent years in an attempt to understand why it was fought.

He said the Army general in command of all troops there, Gen. William Westmoreland, said years later that the war was fought over "oil and rubber," the oil in the South China Sea and the rubber in the plantations of colonial rulers in Vietnam.

McAfee said he doubts there was enough rubber to fight over, and the oil in the South China Sea has yet to be fully developed.

But he predicted that within a decade, America may be facing off against China, whose leaders have already made moves against Vietnam to claim the oil reserves in the South China Sea.

But though the war was seen as a battle against Communism, McAfee said the Vietnamese and Chinese are such long-time bitter enemies there is small chance of that region ever going under control of Red China without another bloody civil war.

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"The Chinese have been invading that region for centuries and the Vietnamese have been driving them back for centuries," he said, calling it a miscalculation by U.S. politicians to think Vietnam going Communist would ally them with the Chinese.

And it was the politicians who forced the Army to fight only a defensive war, drawing a line and not allowing troops to invade North Vietnam, that ultimately ended in losing the war, he said.

McAfee said his own reasons for going to Vietnam were far more personal. As a junior in college during the war, he said seeing wounded veterans returning from the war affected him.

"It didn't feel right. I had already finished my ROTC training, so I went down and told the recruiting sergeant I wanted to go."

McAfee said though he joined in a moment of patriotism, he volunteered for extra training in Airborne School, Ranger School and then the Special Forces in the mistaken belief it would keep him out of the war until his two-year enlistment had expired.

"But I found out the extra training meant my enlistment was extended," McAfee said. He was stationed in Panama as a Green Beret when he was promoted to First Lieutenant, and said it was his promotion celebration that resulted in him going to Vietnam.

"The party got a little out of hand and we all ended up in the hospital getting patched up. The colonel got mad and called me in and yelled at me, "You want to fight! I'll send you to Vietnam!"

As a 23-year-old lieutenant, McAfee said it was the experienced enlisted sergeants who kept him alive and also kept him from getting the other men under his command killed.

"I was too young to be an officer. I was too gung ho. I was dangerous. But the NCOs, they'd say, 'Sir, don't do that. You'll get us all killed.' I learned from those NCOs, that's why I lived."

McAfee said he came to understand the wisdom of another Vietnam warrior and author, retired Col. David Hackworth.

"Col. Hackworth says we all have the same cup of courage. Some of us just drink faster than others. But when your cup is empty, you have to walk away," McAfee said. "I wasn't a brave soldier. I didn't run, but I learned to keep my head down.

"There are brave soldiers and there are old soldiers. There aren't any brave, old soldiers because they didn't make it out alive."

McAfee said the experiences of the war changed him forever.

"I learned that as long as you've got three hots and a cot, you're OK. I learned how important it is to tell people you love them. Vietnam made me more aware of life. I know that tomorrow may not come.

"The mind that looks back and judges is a more mature mind than the one that made the decisions of the past," McAfee said.

"How many of us can say truly say we've gone to the limits of the heart of darkness, as Joseph Conrad said? I learned it isn't somebody else's heart of darkness, it's your own."